I thought we were just holding hands; Ownership and control in narcissistic relationship

dranniejones
May 30
4 min read

Narcissistic relationships can often feel confusing and overwhelming. At first glance, behaviors that seem affectionate, like holding hands, may conceal a deeper issue of control and ownership. This post highlights how these everyday gestures can represent a narcissistic dynamic, and it aims to help you identify and understand these behaviors in your own relationships. By pinpointing these subtle signals, you can gain clarity and empower yourself to navigate these challenging emotional waters.

The Illusion of Partnership

In healthy relationships, equality is key. Partners support each other, express their feelings freely, and share common goals. However, when a narcissist is involved, this balance is often disrupted. What may start as a simple act, like holding hands, can morph into an unsettling display of ownership. For the narcissist, gestures like these serve a dual purpose: they express affection publicly while also making it clear that you belong to them.

For example, when a narcissist holds your hand in a crowded space, it may feel warm and loving. Yet, to them, it sends a message to others that you are "theirs." In a survey, 67% of individuals in narcissistic relationships reported feeling as though they were treated as possessions rather than partners, illustrating just how common this behavior is.

The Objectification of the Partner

To a narcissist, partners often become commodities—objects to show off, similar to owning a flashy car. This objectification strips away your individuality and reduces you to an accessory. Instead of being recognised as someone with your own hopes and desires, there is a push to become just an extension of the narcissist, someone to be controlled and displayed.

These behaviors manifest in various forms. For instance, if your partner often insists that you wear certain clothes or act a specific way around others, you could be facing objectification. Research indicates that individuals in these scenarios might also experience a 40% higher rate of anxiety and depression, highlighting the emotional toll this dynamic takes.

Recognizing Ownership Behaviors

Becoming aware of ownership behaviors can be a lifeline for anyone stuck in a narcissistic relationship. Understanding these subtle signals empowers you to assess your situation more clearly. Pay attention to these common ownership behaviors:

Public Displays of Affection: While affection is healthy, if your partner’s gestures feel controlling or obligatory, it may indicate narcissistic tendencies.
Possessive Gestures: If your partner consistently interrupts conversations or redirects focus to themselves when you engage with others, this can reflect their need for control.

Being conscious of these signs can deeply impact your emotional well-being. For instance, if you notice these patterns over time, consider discussing them with someone you trust. Open conversations can clarify whether your experiences are isolated incidents or a pattern of control.

The Impact of Control on Relationships

The effects of control can seep into every aspect of a relationship. When one partner feels objectified or controlled, it can lead to insecurity, anxiety, and a sense of losing one’s identity. Over time, this emotional strain can wear down your self-esteem, making independence feel unattainable.

In a recent study, 80% of individuals who felt controlled in a relationship reported questioning their self-worth. Such pressures can create an unhealthy cycle that damages the foundation of a once-fulfilling partnership.

Reflecting on Past Relationships

If you find yourself looking back at previous relationships, it’s essential to examine their power dynamics closely. Recognizing how signals of ownership affected you can be an important step towards healing. Consider taking these reflective actions:

Journal Your Experiences: Writing can provide clarity about specific moments where you felt controlled. This process can help you articulate your feelings and gain insight.
Identify Patterns: Look for common themes in your past relationships. Were there specific behaviors that consistently left you feeling like an object rather than a partner?

Seeking help is crucial as well. A therapist or a supportive friend can provide valuable perspectives that illuminate your experiences and help you on your journey to healing.

Moving Forward

Recognising ownership behaviors is a vital first step towards reclaiming your emotional freedom. Once you become aware of these dynamics, you can take steps to foster healthier relationships in the future. Here are some actionable strategies:

Set Boundaries: Clearly defining acceptable behavior helps you maintain your sense of self. Don't hesitate to express what feels comfortable for you.
Communicate Openly: In new relationships, stress the importance of equality and mutual respect. Let your partner know that you value collaboration.
Focus on Self-Love: Strengthen your self-esteem outside of romantic contexts. Engaging in hobbies and nurturing your interests can bolster your sense of individuality.

Educating yourself about narcissism can also equip you with emotional tools. Reading relevant literature will help you recognize unhealthy patterns and develop effective coping strategies.

Empowering Your Journey

Grasping the subtle signals of ownership in narcissistic relationships is a crucial step toward regaining your autonomy. By identifying behaviors like possessive hand-holding and controlling displays of affection, you can gain clear insight into your romantic interactions. This awareness not only helps you spot unhealthy dynamics but also fosters personal growth and emotional healing. Everyone deserves to feel respected and valued as a partner, not simply an object to be owned. With knowledge and self-reflection, you can improve your future relationships and cultivate a healthier emotional life.